If a tree falls….does anyone read my stupid blog?
Hard to know what exactly to write tonight. I am exhausted yet wide awake. Reveling in a period of uncertainty and fear. My mind becoming more isolating than ever before trapped in a medication that I distrust. Seems rather dark but in suppose it doesn’t have to be. I should be able to find the quality in just about any situation,I mean I’ve been in worse places. Much worse.
Yet all the while I keep sinking deeper into the depths of a mind that I dont understand much less anyone else try to decipher. I look into the mirror of my soul and I see nothing. No reflection. I read books about great men who endured my worst nightmares and they maintained their fortitude. They were either great men or I am the antithesis. Not hard to imagine which one that might be.
Until the hope shows…..
The DOG
Hard to talk about my hairry babies. Samson has to be the best dog on earth. Loyal, protective fierce but his sole mission in life is to be by his families side, mostly my wife’s and put his head on her lap. Herein lies the problem, he is supposed to be MY dog. I can only attribute his Benedictine tendencies to my rather hectic travel schedule. I suppose he thinks I am abandoning him once a week for a few days. However, I have heard of dogs who travel miles and miles to be with their owners. He simply waits until I leave then takes my side of the bed.
All derelict affronts aside he is still the best dog in the world.
Sleepless
I used to take sleep for granted. It was something I didn’t frequently think about. You see I have had insomnia for a very long time. I can remember being in jr. high just watching the clock slowly run by as i watched movies on the USA Network that no one should be forced to endure. I thought it was cool then, a badge of honor; I can outlast all of my friends. Now I see the emotional, physical and psychological toll it takes on me. I have gained weight, I’m always irritable and I am more stressed than I should be. Tonight I took a wonderful pharamacutical that has done nothing but put me into a very uncomfortable haze…no escape. It brings no relief.
The Experiment. Part One
So I just watched a thought-provoking movie about a social experiment. The question raised was how evolved are we when we are reduced to only our perceptions.
In this movie, the experiment played out in a prison setting. Two groups of men, who had never been incarcerated, were divided up into the inmates and the guards. Little instruction was given, and only the guards had specific parameters in which to operate.
As you can imagine those with power sought more and those whose civil rights were being systematically eradicated ultimately rose up against their oppressors.
I can see the allure of the guards. They initially began their duties only trying to perform a set of simple instructions from which they were given. Little direction and autonomy proved to be disastrous. The guards ultimately redefined what right and wrong must be based on their perceptions of what it might be to ultimate authority.
The parallels I can draw from this complex question of the definition of right and wrong could occupy my mind for days. I can go from the conceptual to the specific and wrestle with my stance indefinitely.
For example, the ultimate antagonist was cast as a “devout Christian” of course, why miss the low hanging fruit. He ultimately became sick with power and denied his principles and what he claimed to have understood about morality.
However, how many Christians have persecuted those in the name of Christ yet ultimately have no basic understanding of what His love stands for? How much harm has been done to others in the name of Christ?
More to come…I have much more to digest. As if anyone is reading this anyway.
Ode to the written word….
So I love the written word. However, I frequently feel I lose my message amidst the clutter that fills my brain. I struggle the marriage between the initial thought and the end result on the page. Perhaps the irony is supposed to hitme between the eyes more than it currently does. I feed my family with my words, boh spoken and written. I am in sales and I rely on my ability to quickly articulate how I (or rather, the company) will be able to meet a need. I would say I have had success; at least by my definition. Yet I continually feel misunderstood and often times isolated by my inability to convey my true message.
Begs the question if anyone can actually know me.
Cheers!
hachehenry 